This is brutally honest, but I’ve always had trouble trusting beautiful women. I just can’t seem to get over the fact that their options are too numerous. The result is that I’m with a cute, smart, wonderful gal, but—well, she’s just not that hot. I love her but her looks don’t turn me on as much as I wish they did. I know I’ve made this bed so I should just lay in it. But how do I keep myself from looking at other, hotter women and wondering "What if...?"

He Said: You might start by questioning your assumption that beautiful women are untrustworthy. Just because someone has plenty of options does not mean she is untrustworthy. In fact, good-looking people want honest, long-term relationships just like everyone else. You say you are dating a wonderful gal. Yet you are contemplating leaving her the moment you can snag someone better looking. Now that is untrustworthy behavior.

Finally, I’d spend some time thinking about your definition of “hot.” Beauty, as they say, is only skin deep. While everyone wants a sexy partner, it is important to not lose sight of other virtues. After all, looks fade, but character is forever.

She Said: That was indeed brutally honest, not to mention politically incorrect. But to be fair, who can say from whence these little neuroses of ours issue forth? We’re human and flawed. Men are visual creatures. It’s important to define what you mean when you say her looks don’t turn you on enough. Do you abstractedly wish she were sexier in a “wouldn’t that be nice” kind of way? Or do her looks actually turn you off? There’s a big difference. If it’s the latter, I don’t even recommend you try getting over it. Rather, do her a favor, leave now, and face your lifelong fear of beautiful women. Go ahead, try your luck. See what else you can get and how you do at handling it.

But if it’s the former, then I want to leave you with a seemingly unrelated little story from a memoir called Thanks for Coming: One Young Women’s Quest for an Orgasm, by Mara Altman. You don’t need to rush out and buy it—the overall gist probably wouldn’t interest you. But listen up. Mara interviewed her 80-something grandparents about their sexuality. Turns out Grandma and Grandpa had it going on. Soon after marrying during WWII, they were routinely having simultaneous orgasms. Grandma’s gynecologist told her, “In the bedroom, anything goes,” and she took that advice to heart. About a decade ago, they stopped having sex because Grandpa developed erectile dysfunction, but they are as affectionate and in love as ever. When Mara asked her grandmother if she still had orgasms, she replied, “If I wanted to, I would, but I don’t want to … I like to do it with Grandpa.”

A cute, outdated story from a time when love and sex were simpler? Or a little gem of truth? Think on it.

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