By: The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now. Things have been great between us up to this point, but lately he’s stopped climaxing when we have sex. That was never a problem in the past. He’s no quick trigger, but he hasn’t had a problem getting off before. Should I be offended? Eventually he apologizes and just stops going at it. This has been going on for a few weeks and it makes me wonder if he’s taking care of himself too much, has a medical condition, is sleeping with someone else, or just generally isn’t interested. Any words of wisdom? This is new ground for me.—SD, San Francisco, California

The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox

First of all, it’s only been a few weeks so don’t be too concerned just yet. But have you asked him as soon as it happens? If not then that’s where you should start.

Communication is key to everything and the timing is vital to help him understand that you aren’t dwelling on the issue as much as trying to understand the situation. I’m sure he’s a little bit embarrassed by it and expects to be asked about it at some point anyway. So go ahead, get it out in the open. But do so cautiously. If you don’t, you’ll be insulting his manhood, and that’s a delicate situation. Maybe he’s stressed at work and it’s causing a distraction at the worst possible moment. Maybe he’s secretly drinking too much, which can make it next to an act of Congress to get off. Medical condition, girlfriend, boyfriend, meddling mother … the list of possibilities could go on for days. Don’t build a situation up in your mind. Talk to him about it and let him know you’re in this together and you’re there to lend a hand if he needs it. Don’t look at this as a bad thing. Instead, consider it an opportunity to grow together by being open with one another.

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