by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way, 

I’ve been dating someone now for about three months whom I really like. He seems like the kind of guy that I could get even more serious with. But there’s one problem: He’s uncircumcised. I’ve only been with circumcised men, and I hate to say this, but I’m kind of disgusted at the sight of his penis. It doesn’t feel different inside me, but I’m really into oral sex and it just turns me off. I’ve had less of a desire to be with him intimately lately, and I’m worried that this is the beginning of the end. What should I do?—NS

    The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox

This is a delicate situation for you indeed. I don’t recommend the direct approach of, “get the anteater out of here or I’m hitting the road.” Remember, circumcision was not originally his choice—it was his parents’ choice.

With that said, I’m discovering that many men get cut later in life. Just the other day, a friend of mine told me his father got snipped at the ripe old age of 80! When I asked my friend why in the world his dad would ever want a change at that age, he told me he’d always wanted to have it done and thought his new wife probably had something to do with it.

Either way, to answer your question about whether or not this is the beginning of the end, I think you’re the only one who can answer that. Can you get past this “imperfection” in your perfect man? If not, then yes, it’s the beginning of the end. At the beginning of the relationship, you should not be able to keep your hands off him. It sounds like it’s more of a stretch for you to even put your hands on him. At three months, you can’t really ask him to go under the knife, so the choice here is all yours. If you’re not willing to explore something new, you need to let him go.

Check in tomorrow for the straight woman's perspective by Rebecca Brown.

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