by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way, 

I am in a very serious relationship—my first one. I love him very much, but something has come up and I’m not sure what to do.

Due to some suspicious events, I decided to go into his email and MySpace accounts to look around. I found that he’s been asking female “friends” to send him pictures of themselves in revealing clothes. Furthermore, early on in our relationship, an ex-girlfriend sent him naked pictures that he apparently asked for.

I’ve let him take pictures of me in revealing clothes and in suggestive poses. I also know that he invited one of the girls he asked for dirty pictures to his apartment and asked her to bring a camera with her. I know what happens after we’re done taking pictures and I hate to think that he would do the same thing with her.

I don’t know how to approach this subject without revealing that I snooped. Should I ask him about it now? Should I even bring it up at all? I’m hurt and I’m angry, but I don’t know what to do.—MS


    The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer
 
Let me ask you a question. If because of your snooping, you found out your guy was involved in an illegal activity, would you hold back telling him? There’s a bigger issue to work out than you snooping around.

You mention that this is your first serious relationship. Well, congratulations, you have yourself one serious problem. But it’s not the problem you think you have. You need to tell him what you know. If he twists it around and tries to make the issue your snooping, you have an even bigger problem.

MS, your boyfriend is cheating on you. What are you going to do about it? How long will you ignore it for the sake of just staying in the relationship? Why would you want to stay in the relationship?

What exactly do you love about this guy? It sounds like you enjoy the picture taking and posing, but that’s not love. This guy loves looking at pretty girls in varying degrees of undress girls that are not you. Girls that he knows or has known intimately. Are you okay with that? That’s probably just the tip of the iceberg.

From my end of things, he sounds like a dirty stinkin’ liar. Wash that man right out of your hair. Get back ALL the pictures of you he took, and then delete them from his hard drive.

Confront him and move on. He won’t change but you can; in fact, you must.

Check in tomorrow to read the straight man's perspective by Chris Kennedy.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at rbrown@realgirlsmedia.com. To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.