by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way, 

I just met a man I feel like I’ve really connected with, and got the sense that he has really connected with me as well: physically, emotionally and intellectually. However, after our fourth date (in the course of three weeks) he told me that he reconnected with an old relationship and, as a result, has cooled off toward me. The thing is, even though we haven’t had sex, he tells me he really enjoys the closeness we’ve shared and wants to continue seeing me. The woman in question lives in Europe and it would mean a long-distance relationship. I, however, live in the same town and can actually participate in a non-virtual relationship. I’m torn because I like him, but need to pull back emotionally because I don’t want to get hurt. I admit that I’m also hopeful that he’ll realize a long-distance relationship isn’t going to be practical and he’ll rekindle what got started when we first met. He’s being very honest with me—which I appreciate—and we’re both around 40, so there is a certain level of maturity here. I think I need to move on, but I’d also like to hold out to see if he’ll be available. Thoughts?–JG

    The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer

Kudos to him for being up front with you about what’s going on. Now don’t let the door hit him too hard as you usher him out.

You are falling into the “Potential Zone”:

If only he would realize that long distance never works.

If only he would see that I am right here for him.

If only …

You have to look at what is, not what may be. And what is, is a man who doesn’t want to be lonely while his love is far away. Value yourself enough to know that you deserve someone who is not straddling two continents.

If you want to invest in potential, pick out a good mutual fund.

Check in next week for another Q&A series with The 4-Way.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at rbrown@realgirlsmedia.com. To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.