Two Sense: Is My Boyfriend Gay?


I've been seeing this great guy—hot, thoughtful, funny, professional. But I've had two girlfriends mention to me that he seems gay. (Doesn't act like it in bed.) I don't want to weird him out by asking, but I also don't want to get serious with him if he might someday "realize" he's gay.
He Said:
If you have a gay male friend or two you might introduce them and get their opinion. You may be too smitten yourself to be clear. And your man may not be aware if his sexual trajectory is arching towards other men. But as long as you feel that he's being open and honest with you and with himself about his intentions, relax and focus on where you two can go as a couple. If he earns your trust and love over time, don’t hold back. If you want to take any special action, look for ways to let him know you are open to hearing what's on his mind, no matter what it is. We all change over time and you want him to feel comfortable telling you if his feelings toward you shift.
I've dated a couple of women who switched teams after we stopped being intimate, which frankly didn't look good on my resume, but has turned out well in the long run since I've been able to remain friends with them. I wish I could say the same about all of the heterosexual women I've dated.

She Said: A hot, thoughtful, funny, professional man who doesn't act gay in bed (i.e. he's good in it) but whom women peg for gay .... um, I think you may have found Mr. Right!

In all seriousness, I think your next step depends on a few specifics. Do your friends note his amazing style and ripped biceps (two big gay indicators), or is it his swishy walk and eyeliner they're referring to? If it's the latter, I'm thinking you didn't need your friends to power up the gaydar. And if it's the former, I really don't think we have a problem here. Or maybe it's subtle—just a hint of body language, head tilt or cadence that your friends picked up on. In any case, it's really what you pick up on that matters. Very few people are "all gay" or "all straight." Most people's sexual orientation lies on a continuum, so just because he's sensitive and knows who Jonathan Adler is doesn't mean he's going to ditch you for a man someday. There's also, of course, the very real possibility that he's bisexual. Talk about hot.

photo: cekrypton2/Flickr

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