A couple of years ago I hooked up with and dated a cute, sexy, and smart girl who seemed really cool at first but over time started some nasty fights with me, so I stopped going out with her. Recently I heard that a friend of mine is dating her and it sounds serious. I’m torn about telling him that I dated her. On the one hand it’s none of my business whom he dates, but on the other what do I say if he introduces me to her? I’m also worried because she might drop my name during a fight with him in a way that would make it hard for he and I to remain friends.
He Said: While it’s commendable to "warn" our friends of certain dangers when we can, we’re dealing with adults here and there are too many unknowns in this situation for you to assume that you need to do anything. Maybe your friend already knows you two dated and doesn’t want to bring it up; maybe this girl has been working on her anger-management skills; maybe she’s on meds now; maybe you did things to drive her crazy; maybe they will stop dating before you have the occasion to run into them as a couple. If your friend does introduce you to her, be honest but brief. Just mention that, although it’s awkward, you two dated very briefly but didn’t click and both moved on. Then switch to focus back to them with a question about how they met, if they did anything fun recently, or something similar. Since your friend is involved with the girl, he can get details from her if he wants them. If he later asks you about your experience with her, I would leave out the fights, unless you needed to go to the ER or she boiled your pet bunny.
She Said: While it may be tempting for a guy to tell his pal, "Dude, I tapped that, and it's one crazy b*tch," please be a gentleman and refrain from such details. However, I wouldn't necessarily wait until your friend brings it up to mention that you dated her. Next time you see him, I'd say, "I hear you're seeing Mary Jones. I dated her briefly a few years back. Small world, eh? Cool, man, good luck and all." Then change the subject.
photo: Flickr/stevendepolo
