Two Sense: Who's on Top?


My boyfriend and I are either too much alike or he's copying me, and I don't know what to do about it. Both of us started out pretty versatile about being either a top or a bottom. But for whatever reason, I gravitated to the top more (someone had to!) and have stayed there for much of the last year. Recently though, he told me that he wants us to start trading off again. While I was talking this over with friends, they mentioned that they thought my boyfriend was just emulating me, pointing out that he's started to dress more like me, changed the way he talks, etc. So I’m not sure whether he really wants to be top or whether this is just another way for him to copy me.

He Said: The longer a couple stays together, the more alike they become. At least as far as beliefs, morals, and some domestic preferences go. But sex is best the more a couple differentiates; it takes a positive and a negative charge to generate electricity. Maybe some readers will have more specific insight to your topsy-turvy dilemma, but as a straight guy, my primary focus during sex is to make sure my partner is totally satisfied. If that means I need to dominate, then I’m on top; if she wants to drive for a while, I can enjoy the ride from the passenger seat. And if it’s equally important to her to make sure I’m satisfied, then our sex will likely be amazing. I would guess this is also true if you are gay or bi, but again, maybe the synergy is different and it’s better if one of you remains predominantly dominant.

As to your partner copying your dress and speech, that’s sounding a little weird. Some personality aspects are fine to share, but if your boyfriend starts acting like he’s your twin brother, you may want to have a chat. 

She Said: I'm not sure I see a problem, at least about who takes top. I wish you had divulged which position you prefer, though, becuase then we'd have more to work with. When you say "someone had to," that leads me to believe you both organically swing a bit to the bottom, and that you took the lead perhaps not with the most enthusiasm. So hearing that your boyfriend is ready to do some top duty should be music to your ears.

I don't think your boyfriend is copying you, at least not in bed. Dressing and speaking more like you is a little bit natural (especially if he's young), and possibly a little bit annoying and strange (if he's, say, 40), but keep that separate from your bedroom issues. Let him have at it, and when you've had enough lying back and luxuriating (as we girls like to say), then promptly switch it up and show him who's boss. Maybe you don't even need to talk it over or say anything; try simply going with your feelings, spontaneously. While you may both gravitate to bottom, you both also sound versatile, and that's always a good thing—both in and out of bed.

Send your submissions to

Related Articles
Now Playing at SF Symphony
View this profile on Instagram

7x7 (@7x7bayarea) • Instagram photos and videos

From Our Partners