At dinner with a friend’s middle school tween, I asked what he had in store for Valentine’s Day. The eighth grader planned to give a special red note to his newly beloved girlfriend (of six weeks). Ah, to be young and not jaded.
Most men absolutely loathe Valentine’s Day. I decided to poll my male friends and find out where the hatred lies. As a service to all you guys out there (and, more importantly, a lesson for the gals) here’s some insight on why dudes despise V-Day, straight from the mouths of men:
On Romance –
It's romantic amateur night. You can't replace true romance with an overpriced prix fixe dinner for two and some crappy Safeway flowers. Forced fun (or romance) takes the fun and romance out of the occasion.
I want to be in a quiet, secluded environment where we can share a private moment or two. Not in an environment with me, you, and the couples to the right and left.
Why do I have to wait for a specific day in the year to show you I care via chocolate or flowers? If that’s what it takes to show you my feelings, then there is something really wrong in our relationship.
On Spending Money –
I hate it because of the price gouging. Restaurants totally cash in. They either make the meals ridiculously more expensive than on an average night, or they make the meal prix fixe (which is just code word for less food and quality for the same amount of money).
I hate running around trying to find flowers at the different shops. I end up spending time going from one store to the next looking for anything that isn't already half-dead and paying a premium just to save face. Can you imagine if I came home with a dozen eggs that were beginning to rot and telling you that I paid a premium for them? You would think I was crazy.
I'm not into spending cash on things with little utility or that expire, like flowers and super expensive dinners and shiny pieces of jewelry. When I drop $50-60 on flowers, I think of all the things I can do with my special someone instead. This is in addition to the $200 dinner I'm about to take her out on.
Most couples would be smart to make an agreement. Certainly get a card. Roses? No. Jewelry? Not necessary. Restaurant? Sure, but someplace modest. We have enough awesome grocery stores in SF where you could get something decadent and cook at home.
Seriously, nothing says I love you more than a cheesy card and a gag gift. Skip all the expensive crap.
On Relationships –
I don't want to feel like I need to measure up to other couples. If you cared for me as much as I do for you, then what other people are doing is inconsequential.
Let's be truthful - you change your mind about what you like and don't like on regular basis. One day, Gucci, the next, a simple pair of flip-flops. It’s hard enough to keep pace with your moods and desires, but on Valentine's Day we’re supposed to be tuned in completely?
How did Valentine's Day turn unilateral? If it’s a day to appreciate our love for "each other," why is it completely geared towards you? I certainly don't want flowers, but I'd love it if you wrote me a poem or framed a photograph. Why don't you get crazy and paint me a painting. Anything that shows you care for me too.
Why is it that I get no credit when I cook you dinner, rub your feet, buy you flowers, or take you on weekend trips throughout the year? This is all disregarded once Valentine's Day comes around. If a company was measured by a single day's performance they would all be bankrupt yet men are made to feel just that on Valentine's Day.
I hate being told when I need to act ridiculously lovey-dovey. If you’re in a great relationship, every day is Valentine’s Day (at a much lower cost!)
There is a lot of pressure to "do something" on Valentine’s Day. We like it when WE think of it, rather than being told by some stupid Hallmark holiday that we HAVE to do it.
I personally dislike because my long term relationship with the same man is not considered legal or moral; yet, straight couples can relish in the day and make fools of themselves and it is considered sweet and loving.
Well, there you have it. Have an opinion? Let us know in the comments below. And to the contrary, not all men hate Valentine’s Day, like this one gentleman (who’s already taken, FYI):
I think it's a great date night, always great sex! And, always a great meal before. It's a wonderful way to reinforce the bond with your partner. Serious pampering is for birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas. And, I buy my lady flowers almost every week. We love it.
