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Two Sense: How Do I Get Better at Foreplay?

Two Sense: How Do I Get Better at Foreplay?

Photo via Guillaume Paumier on Flickr.com

Thank god this is anonymous, because my problem is embarrassing. I'm no good at oral sex. Really. I'm not just being hard on myself; I've had more than one guy tell me so. I'm pretty, well-dressed, outgoing, and have had lots of boyfriends and lovers. I like sex and I think (and have been told) I'm good at it. Except for that one thing. It's not that I have anything against it, or dislike it the way some women do. I just honestly feel at a loss when I go down there, and I keep repeating the same few (lame) moves. Why don’t they give a class on this? Help!

He Said: There are two interlocking explanations for your reticence. Either you are not “good” at oral sex because you really don't enjoy it—or you don't enjoy it because you are not “good” at it yet. One of the hottest things about sex is pleasing your partner, and it sounds like you are not getting positive feedback. Almost every guy loves to kick back and receive a great blowjob. So next time you have the opportunity, experiment a little. Try variations on the classic technique by letting your tongue and lips wander from belly button to scrotum (and even below, if you are so inclined). When you have him in the throes, then go for the full-throated approach to finish him off. Believe me, the feedback will be positive. At any rate, oral sex is just one of the quills in your sexual arsenal. If you master a range of talents, your partners will not even miss the absence of any particular one.

She Said: It could also be that you don’t really enjoy it because you’re not good at it. Let’s face it, most of us don’t relish activities we can’t seem to master. If you want to do a little research, there’s always the The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio, 200 pages of advice for the serious fellater. Or you can start out with a few time-tested rules. First off, mouth at top, hand at base is usually a lot better for the guy than mouth alone. Be generous with either saliva or lube. As you begin, instead of thinking of it as a performance or obligation, try to sense what movements and rhythm seem sexy to you. Focus first on your own pleasure. Believe me, your man will be able to tell if you’re enjoying it, and as guys like to say, “There’s no substitute for enthusiasm.” Start slowly and get a pattern going. After several minutes, switch the pattern to add an element of surprise and keep him experiencing new sensations. As he nears climax though, stop changing it up. Stick with what’s working and increase the speed and pressure a bit. Finally, though it's tempting to keep your eyes closed the entire time, try making eye contact with him. It’s porny, yeah, but guys dig it when you look at them, probably because it reassures them that you’re not finding the whole shebang disgusting.