Coveting a Coworker


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I’ve got a huge crush on a guy I work with. I think he’s interested in me too because whenever we talk, our conversations are very flirty and we email and IM about random funny stuff throughout the day. I’ve told a couple of friends about my crush and they’re split 50/50 on whether or not I should pursue something with him since we work together. My argument is that I spend so much time at work, where else am I going to meet people? Besides, if you go on a date with someone, you only get to see their “date” personality, not what he’s really like. This guy seems to be the full package: hot, smart, funny, nice, and of course, gainfully employed. What do you guys think?—EM

Jody    The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox
I think you hit the nail on the head, EM—you don’t even need our opinion on this one. As you said, you spend the majority of your waking hours at work right now so it only makes sense that you’d meet someone there with whom you have something in common. Chance are, you have more conversation there than you do anywhere else in your life and you’re surrounded by people that share the same interests. In your friends’ defense, an office romance is taboo if it doesn’t work out and if one of you has to leave to avoid an awkward situation. But hell, what if it does work out? Start a company together and stop working for The Man! Come on, you know you’ve thought about it already.

As I see it, you have a few options:

Plan A) Find out where he goes after work to play and figure out a situation where you can show up and not be perceived as a stalker. (Note: avoid the trench coat and dark glasses with floppy hat look.) You can always play it off as “Oh, I forgot you were going to be here, too” and see what he’s like outside of the office.

Plan B) Go grab coffee together while you’re on a break from work to get to know him a little more. No harm, no foul.

Plan C) Have sex with him in the supply room while no one is looking and get it out of your system.

Whichever plan you choose, you’ll do the right thing if you go with your gut.

Check in tomorrow to read the straight woman's perspective by Rebecca Brown.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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