Dating the Ex’s Friend


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I just broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago. Honestly, the relationship had been over for a while, so by the time the breakup actually went down, it was pretty friendly; we still talk all the time. She’s got a friend I’ve always found really attractive, and recently the friend mentioned to my ex-girlfriend that she’s interested in me too. My ex says she’s okay with it if we go out, but a couple of my girl friends tell me that I shouldn’t even consider asking her out, no matter what my ex-girlfriend says, so I’m not sure what to do. What do you guys think?—TM

Jody    The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox
First of all, if she’s interested in you, let her ask you out! She’s the one expressing an interest in you, after all. Or if you’re interested in her and you’re the one who always asks the girl out, then do it if you want to go out with her. You’re single and ready to mingle.

However, if you do go out with her be warned that it’s one thing for your ex to think she’s okay with you going out with her friend, but it may be quite another story when she sees you happily together. Emotions will likely come up that she never knew she harbored. Just be aware of that.

As far as your friends go, unless they know her friend better than you do, I would ignore their advice. Who knows? This holiday season could turn into Miracle on 34th Street or The Nightmare Before Christmas. Either way, if you want to take a chance, and you’ve discussed it at length with your ex girlfriend, then go for it.

Check in tomorrow to read the straight woman's perspective by Rebecca Brown.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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