Is My Boyfriend's Mom Hitting On Me?


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I think my boyfriend’s mom might be hitting on me. She’s single and modern, but not openly dating women. However, I notice that every time I’m in her company, she goes out of her way to give me a back rub, or say something cute about my breasts. I think it would horrify my boyfriend if I suggested such a preposterous idea, but it’s really getting to the point where I dread time that I have to be in her presence. I don’t want to assume wrongly, but I’m not sure how to be graceful about the situation, either.—SV

Darren    The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox 

I don’t think it’s odd that she gave you a back rub. I’d venture to say that she just wants to show you that she likes you and feels comfortable with you dating her son. But about the breast comment (clearly not something I’m skilled at tackling), does she say, “Nice rack, SV,” or is it a more casual “You have nice boobies but they’d be better accentuated by wearing this new holster I discovered at the mall”? Does she just come on to you, or is she affectionate toward all her gal pals? If you haven’t been around her with other women in the room, do so—that may tell you a lot.

When you say she’s modern and single, does that mean she has a white sofa and suede pillows or that she likes to walk around in flip flops and a thong while in your presence?

My advice here is to do a little more homework on her before springing it on your boyfriend that she makes you uncomfortable. Remember, boys like their mammas no matter what they say. Maybe you can work something like, “I hate that your mom is single. She’s such a catch. What’s her type?” into a conversation with your boyfriend. Then ask about her love life, who she’s dated, etc.  If she’s ever had a one on one with a lady he’ll likely say something like, “Good God, the last thing I need is two mommies again!” Then your mystery will be solved and you can safely respond with “I swear I thought I was getting a vibe from your mom” proceed from there. Case closed.
Check in tomorrow to read the straight woman's perspective by Rebecca Brown.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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