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The Hater's Guide to Valentine's Day

Singles of the city, brace yourself: the annual doomsday, which divides people into two categories - alone or coupled - falls on a Saturday this year.  (Oh, the horror!)  Here’s our list of ways to commiserate with fellow haters, celebrate singledom or just plain ignore the day’s existence.  (But, alas, if you must partake in the holiday, please consult our guide of Non-Cheesy Valentine's Day activities).

1. Museum of Broken Relationships
Alright, so this one may be in the extreme range, but we won't judge.  Rid yourself of the keepsakes from broken relationships (you know, teddy bears, photo albums, and, um an ax?) at this traveling art show of memories past.  Our verdict?  Hot spot for a rebound. 

2. Book a Table for 7
Throw restaurants for a loop by booking a table for 7. Gather your rowdiest friends, pick a quiet, dimly lit bistro and wear a trucker hat.

3. Date and Dash: Valentine’s Day Speed Dating Party

This one bleeds desperation, and we're kinda into it. Pair up with a single friend, invent a new you and prepare to get yourself off on lies and deception.

4. Fight Club: Valentine’s Day Pillow Massacre
Yea, so, you'll see us here.  Take to the streets, armed with a pillow and ready to nail (with pillow feathers, that is).  Only good things can come of this. 

5. He's Just Not That Into You
Let's be honest, what girl does not want to see this? And The Big Alone V-Day offers a perfect excuse.  So gather the gals, drink too many cosmos and catch the film adaptation of Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo’s novel. After all, watching stars like Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Ben Affleck, Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Connelly dump and get dumped should make you feel wayyy better about your life, right?  Right.

6. Woo at the Zoo: A Night of Animal Sex
Head to the San Francisco Zoo for a night of new species, new positions and the ins and outs of animal sex. Zoo experts will be on hand to answer all of your burning questions about what goes down after hours. Sip champagne and nosh on chocolate-covered strawberries while you spy on the gofers getting down and dirty.  Hot. (Read: What?)

7. Love Bites: Top 40 Hits of Bitterness and Betrayal
Tackle the holiday early with a performance by the Lesbian/Gay Chorus on Friday the 13th. Fully staged and choreographed, the 6th annual anti-Valentine’s Day cabaret promises to be both biting and irreverent.

Bonus Events

Etd.Love
It’s Saturday night and there’s no reason you shouldn’t be out dancing. Forget love, embrace lust and get your groove on.

Plan Your Own Quirkyalone Get Quirkytogether Party
Sasha Cagen, solo artist behind Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics, suggests throwing a party embracing single life. Pick a place, make some flyers and prepare to meet people just like you (i.e. others who have evolved beyond choosing a stale relationship just for the sake of being a couple).