Two Sense: Am I Killing My Chances By Constantly Hanging Out with Gay Guys?


I'm the world's biggest fag hag. All my closest friends are gay guys. I love their vibe, their humor, and how much fun I have with them. But I'm starting to get worried that I've become too absorbed in their circle and am moving away from my own chances at a heterosexual relationship. Not only do I spend a lot of my social time in gay bars, I also get crushes on my gay friends (which they laugh off, mostly), and I've even taken to watching gay (male) porn, and find that I really like it. What's going on with me? Am I a gay man trapped inside a woman's body? Am I just avoiding my own relationship challenges? Or am I simply enjoying the openness and androgyny that SF affords me?

He Said: Gay porn indeed tends to be hot. Gay guys, having been told since youth that their deepest desires are forbidden, have in response developed the strongest libidos this side of Bonobos, and that is often on display in their X-Rated fare. (The fact that all the exposed genitalia is external helps what is, of course, a visual genre.) So it’s perfectly understandable that you would be drawn to same-sexuality. I say just enjoy your risk-free flirting and crushes and even porn. Since young gay men have increasingly taken to bringing their "girlfriends" to the Castro, some forward-thinking straight men have begun cruising the gay bars for women, knowing full well that their very presence will show how hip they are. I predict one of these guys will fall in your lap. It will be a match made in heaven. Just don't expect him to watch gay porn with you.

She Said: Wow, this is a first, but I guess it’s understandable. Any straight SF woman worth her salt loves her gays. You’ve just taken that love to another level. Partying with your boys and even getting crushes on them seems totally benign to me. And your affection for “gay male porn” may sound strange at first, but I think that’s a matter of getting hung up on labels, since “gay male porn” translates quite literally to “penis festival.” Am I right? Why wouldn’t a straight woman love watching all those johnsons in action? I mean, even the gay women in The Kids Are All Right watched gay male porn to get off, and if it’s prosaic enough to be included in a Hollywood script, there must be a kernel of truth to it. So I agree: Enjoy it all. Just be careful of your time management. Take a few hours from your dance-party-pornfest each week to go on a heterosexual date, just so you don't forget what a real penis looks like.

“He” is Chris Bull, author of seven books, editorial director of and cofounder of

“She” is Robin Rinaldi, 7x7’s former executive editor, currently at work on a memoir titled  The Wild Oats Project.

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