All the Single Ladies: Alert! Successful, Fit, Commitment-Oriented Bachelor


I'm a successful, moderately good-looking guy, in great shape, good personality (or so I'm told), single and alone in this city. I am in my early 40s but look 10 years younger and every one of my friends gives me the "how are you still single?" routine. I'm somewhat new to the city, and I think I'm in the wrong venues: Bars/nightclubs just aren't doing it. I don't want a one-night stand, temporary fix, or "hipster life." I want substance, support, conversation, debate, challenges and an honest-to-god connection. If you know the secret spots in the city where I should be going, or things I should be doing, please give me a heads up? I'm trying my best to make the so-called "horrible dating scene" in SF better, but I'm just not having any luck. —SF Bachelor

He Said: Running through the newest or hottest bars is fun but not a good strategy for finding a partner. You might try, however, settling into a bar or lounge that's close to home and making that a regular starting or ending point when you do go out. But rather than focusing directly on finding a partner, try pursuing your interests and see who you connect with along the way. Trust me, whatever you're into, there's a group of people in San Francisco that shares your interest. Check out sites like and VolunteerMatch as well. Since you're a reader of 7x7, sign up for their newsletter for info on events and related freebies. Three other sites I peruse for events are: FunCheapSF, which has a manageable list of activities; SFGate's event list, which is comprehensive but a lot to go through; and SFStation which is thorough and has a pretty good search feature.

She Said: Ladies, take note. There are several clues in SF Bachelor's short letter that tell us he is probably a good one:

(a) "moderately" good-looking (he doesn't oversell)

(b) wants "substance, support, conversation, debate, challenges and an honest-to-god connection" ("support" and "connection" are common buzzwords, but a man who asks for debate and challenge is the real deal).

So I'm taking this a step further. I've contacted SF Bachelor. He has a profile that has photos—and he is indeed cute, not to mention ripped—along with all his pertinent information. If you're single and interested, email and I'll give you his Match ID so you can check him out yourself.

Meanwhile, Bachelor, take all of Man's above-mentioned advice to heart; readers, if you have any more tips for SF Bachelor, go ahead and post them here; and single SF ladies, the ball's in your court.

photo: Flickr/lady_lbrty

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