If you need a gift your mother will love - and net you Best Offspring Award for 2009 (TAKE THAT, YOUNGER SIBLING!) - pony up tickets to Smuin's Christmas Ballet.

With much of the choreography courtesy of the dearly beloved (and recently departed) bad boy of ballet, Michael Smuin, this San Francisco tradition has been steeping for years and just keeps getting better. The first act is a graceful tribute to the swelling chords of Mozart and Handel, with white-garbed dancers swaying sedately in pristine pointe shoes. The second act is an ode to holiday mischief - randy yeshiva boys frolic with a serious-minded maiden, a vamp flirts for sparkly trinkets, women gossip in sultry New Orleans, and tap-dancing Christmas trees get the chainsaw. Frosty the Pillow Stuffed Snowman leads an impromptu karaoke session and chair dancing devil vixens kick some Sugar Plum Fairy ass.

Your mother will enjoy the comeuppance of that pansy fairy, guaranteed.

Through December 27 at Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. Tickets: (415) 978-2787 or www.smuinballet.org.