I'd like to nominate . . . myself.

After all, I see that "No Drama" Obama has rather boringly brought his current Chicago chef, Sam Kass, to be White House Chef instead of picking someone exciting like Grant Achatz (from Chicago's Alinea) or, as I had heard, possibly stealing NBA star Carmelo Anthony's personal chef. I also see that he's hosting a White House Happy Hour to convert resistant GOP congresspeople to vote for his bailout. So that got me thinking---a president who likes drinking and others to drink with him, the fact that there is even a White House chef, means that there is need for a Presidential sommelier and mixologist. I think I could be that person.

Why? First of all, I'm very discreet. State secrets that get uttered when cabinet members or white house staff has stopped by my little West Wing bar for a midday martini won't go further than the next big tipper. Drinking is the age-old form of communication between cultures. Bring Medvedev by for some ice cold vodka shooters when he's in town, and I'll show him how to drink a proper mint julep. If we ever open up diplomatic relations with Ahmadinejad I can show him so cool things to do with arak.

I've also started working on some White House cocktails. I've got the "Press Conference" (a stiff drink for tough appearances), the "Stimulus Package" (a macho cocktail to solicit GOP votes) and the "Oval Office" (a sexy nightcap for two after a hard day of diplomacy).

Please consider pressuring your congressman for my confirmation if this happens to come to a vote. Thanks.