If the holiday season sends you straight to the bourbon, feel free to soothe yourself with the knowledge that at least you don’t work at the mall. Unless you do work at the mall. In which case, perhaps you can soothe yourself with the knowledge that you don’t have to work on Christmas eve. If you do work at the mall and those bastards scheduled you for Christmas eve - well, my friend, this show was practically written for you. Especially if you know which Santa has the best pot.
It’s a festive choose-your-own-adventure, featuring a merry flasher, an earnest yet possibly misguided security guard, and suburban fisticuffs over a meat panda, the season's hottest toy. You may even catch a glimpse of the real Santa. But forget about the meat panda - those damn things are impossible to find.
Through December 30. Off-Market Theaters, 965 Mission St. Tickets are $20 at (800) 838-3006 or pianofight.com.