by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I’ve been dating a great guy for about 10 months. Right about the time we started dating, I got a new, even more demanding job, which has prevented me from working out as much as I’d like. On top of that, my job also requires me to take clients to lunches and dinners, so I’ve gained about 18 pounds. My boyfriend used to joke around about what a hot girlfriend he had—he doesn’t do that anymore. In fact, recently, he told me he was worried about my health because I’d gained so much weight. He said he’d also noticed that my self-esteem had taken a bit of a nosedive. (He’s right.) Then he told me that he wasn’t as physically attracted to me anymore. I can understand where he’s coming from, but my heart is broken. I thought the rest of his “intervention” was caring, but that part killed me. I know I need to lose weight, but now I’m wondering if I should stay with a guy that puts physical beauty so high on his list. Realistically, I know I can’t maintain a hot body forever. What do you guys think?—EM

    The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy

I’m guessing your boyfriend is trying to motivate you. Is it a bit harsh of him to admit that he’s not as attracted to you when you’re out of shape? Yes. But it’s a tactic. Perhaps it will work, or perhaps it will cause you to leave him, but I think he’s sensing something needs to happen here.

While he’s waiting for you to lose weight, he’s losing wait. I would try to use his comment as fuel to fire yourself up and put your focus on getting yourself in shape.

You don’t want someone who’s going to accept you letting yourself slide and you don’t want someone who can’t be honest with you that he’s losing some attraction. If physical beauty were that high on his list and the only thing he cared about, he’d be gone by now so cut him some slack.

I know you’ve got a full schedule, but you can make getting in shape a priority. Why don’t you two go to the gym together? Ask him to go with you if you’d like since you’re already busy. This will give you some time together and it will help him show his support.

You may not be able to maintain a hot body forever, but you should always strive to be as healthy as you can be. You seem to want to lose weight and you seem to know that you should. Go for it.

Check in tomorrow for the gay woman's perspective by Jody Fischer.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at rbrown@realgirlsmedia.com. To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.