"I see too often children who are disrespectful to their parents and other adults. They lack discipline and empathy for the people around them. But god-forbid we put that attitude problem into check."

Yes, let's teach children to be respectful and have empathy for others by striking them. An action which in all other situations, with all other people, including other people's children, will end in an assault and battery charge. What a great way to model the "respectful" behavior you supposedly want to encourage. What if the child hits you back in the exact same way you just hit them? What are you going to say then?

The fear of physical assault is the only thing that keeps adult society together. Some people don't want to admit that, but it's the truth. We are each naturally inclined to manhandle other people to make them do what we want (we've probably all taken a turn at doing this as children before we were taught better), and the only thing that keeps us from doing this regularly is fear of either encountering a stronger person who can out-manhandle us or several people who will band together to stop -- and punish -- us (and thus the first societies and governments were born). Any moral aspirations we might have are equaled (at best) or (more likely) surpassed by mortal fear of this one thing.

Now let's think of our prison systems. Capital punishment notwithstanding (not all societies have capital punishment), we put our criminals in prison for crimes they commit. What keeps them from escaping? Prison guards with big sticks (now electric "stun guns" which assault a person with electricity) and firearms, barbed or razor wire, and possibly even a moat or the sea (death by drowning or alligator/crocodile/shark). All of those things spell physical assault. Compliance and alternative forms of punishment (such as imprisonment) are always backed up by the threat of physical action.

Spanking teaches children the reality of this rule of life in a safe but effective manner. The objective of spanking is to cause acute pain that leaves quickly and without leaving physical harm to the body (bruises, cuts, etc.). It should be a child's first (and hopefully only) ever experience with justice doled out in the most basic and underlying manner in this world -- also the first kind of punishment that a child's mind can grasp.

Later, "time out", taking a toy away, grounding, etc. can be built *on top of* the foundation of spanking as alternatives to it. However, children must always understand that -- if all else fails -- physical assault (spanking for children up to the teens or preteens; police and judicial involvement for teenagers) remains *always* on the table, just as continual breaking of the law by adults will ultimately lead to that same physical assault by the justice authorities.

Great article, Meghan! And I completely empathize!

I have spanked my daughter on 3 occasions, simply because I lost control and resorted to what I knew. I was spanked and that is the tool I was given and I've shamefully used it, though I'm very much against it. I know, as a spanked child, that the worse abuse from the physical pain is the emotional pain. I was terrified of my parents and felt abandoned by them. They were the only ones in the world that would protect me from harm, and there they were the ones CAUSING the harm. If there are laws against adults hitting other adults, and if it's not ok for anyone else to hit your kid, then those things prove it isn't right. Try singing the boy some damn songs or massaging his back for a few minutes. Geez.

Thank God for my grandparents and my parents that passed spanking discipline down and I feel sorry for the upcoming generations of spoiled kids who lack discipline, are disrespectful, are involved in all kinds of illegal activities (drugs, stealing, murder). Abuse and Discipline are very different things. A little crack on the leg to show a child who is in charge is not abuse. I'm more fearful of young kids I encounter in the street than adults. Children need both direction and discipline.

Back in the 70s, when my kids were little, their father and I tried to raise them just as you describe, so of course I laughed hysterically at much of what you wrote. It's EXACTLY how we were as parents. And yes, to my shame to this very day, I broke my own rule and spanked my children, rarely, but it happened. I remember each event--they are very few--and my horror that I would resort to that tactic. Like you, I apologized to my children and explained, in the most age-appropriate way I could, why I felt my behavior was inexcusable and unacceptable.

I know it's considered by many advisers improper to stay with a child till she falls asleep, but as a young mom, I could remember how frightened, cold and alone I felt as a child, trying to let go of the day and fall to sleep at night, despite the siblings who shared my bed. Very often, when my children were still learning to navigate the space between the worlds, I stayed with them, crouched on the floor, one hand on their arm, my head propped against the bed frame, falling asleep myself, usually, to awake to an aching neck and back, a leg and foot dead asleep, and no small amount of drool dripping from my lip.

I found this post because my daughter, now grown with children of her own and working very hard with her husband to do all the right things, again, much as you describe, posted it on her FB page. As a matter of fact, she and her sister turned out to be amazing human beings, strong, beautiful--gorgeous actually. I admire each of them greatly. They are far better parents than their father and I were.

Raising children well is a struggle. We who take on the role of parenting, the most important role we may ever assume, are mostly self-taught. It's a tough job. It's the best job, in my opinion. Good luck, and may love always guide you, no matter how fatigued you feel and how many chores remain at the end of the day.

Great article! I have one of the most loving, caring, selfless mothers who has ever lived ...and she spanked me. I NEVER once thought that she was cruel or hateful or violent. In fact, she once let a really awful transgression on my part go without punishment and I felt really lucky but sad because it seemed that she didn't care enough to worry about what I'd done.

Obviously, you should NEVER beat a child, but a spanking is not necessarily abuse. I think there are some Haight-Ashbury types out there who could benefit from some spanking even now...

Your article was hilarious and I completely agree with it. There are a lot of parenting theories out there but no single one is correct. There isn't even a single correct theory for the same family -- each child is different. People who claim that there is one way to discipline either don't have kids or they are projecting from their childhood experiences, not dealing with their children as unique individuals.

Hah! Meghan, that was great! It was like reading a clip of my own life! Thanks for sharing & putting a comic spin on it; it really helps to deescalate the situation when you can remember that you're not the only one in the world dealing with a challenging toddler! P.S. we're distant cousins... ;o)

I agree with the poster who commented "at the end of the day, you're just justifying hitting children". I also agree with the poster who commented "once in a while, stuff happens".

But I don't understand why in the world you would publish this. Your child's life is private and you should do everything you can to protect him. This includes not publishing on the (permanent) internet a story about hitting him.

Great article! Makes me feel I'm not alone in the "Parenting Business", because at the end of the day does not matter how many books, blogs, articles and parenting classes you take, your kid is going to be as different as every example you read or heard about, they should be boundaries for everyone, we need to follow rules and we also need to hear what comes from our heart. And when it comes to that it goes far from right or wrong. Kind but firm: I believe in that 100%! My father never hit or spank me but I'm dragging years of emotional abuse I suffered from him. I wiish I could go back in time and tell him to spanke me at least once, that could probably had made me a happier person and have more respect for men... The only think I know for sure right now is: I would never let that happen to my children, my two boys; the ones whom change my life...

Thanks for the article! You are a brave woman in Nor Cal to put this stuff in writing and publishing it, with your real name no less! :)

The person who posted the first comment on this article seemed to be from some kind of abusive family situation and this is clearly not the situation here. It doesn't seem that spanking as a "go to" form of discipline is the way to go but a quick smack can seem to do the trick when things seem to be spiraling out of control.

I, too, quick smacked my 3 yr old son on his precious little behind and it, too, left me feeling wretched and like a horrible parent. However, the situation was an ever escalating, out of control, temper tantrum that had no end in sight and when we were headed out the door to a special event. It snapped him out of it and it's never happened again.

Way to be brave and let us all know that we are all human and once in a while, stuff happens.

My parents hit me -- a lot -- as a kid, and convinced themselves it was "just spanking" and that it was "the only way I would listen." Meanwhile, it was actually the fact that they lost control and went into a rage. My parents spanked me so hard with hands and wooden spoons that I often had bruises on my legs. When asked by my friends, I was embarrassed and ashamed, so I lied and said I fell off my bike. That is abusive, and should not be confused with discipline. It's a slippery slope, and people think anti-spanking makes kids soft are just wrong.

I was an outspoken kid, but that doesn't mean I deserved to be hit. I spent a good portion of my childhood crying myself to sleep. My sister, however, was a really mellow kid and my parents spanked her all the same. So much so that I recall my mom telling my dad to stop because she was worried he would break her leg.

Where do you draw the line? Because at the end of the day, you're just justifying hitting children.

I'm sorry but I don't believe in what physicians, psychologists, etc., say these days. They are way too anal! A swift whack on the behind (not hard but medium hard) tells your child you mean business. This business of children reporting their parents for all kinds of nonsense (at times) is simply that "nonsense". And child protection people are in no way intelligent enough to figure out what's happening - like if a child is manipulating the system (which often times they do). Children need discipline and I've seen too many spoiled rotten children act up and behave like spoiled rotten adults. Look at the people walking the streets today - these are goingn to be our future leaders(?) yuck!

Good old-fashion values, strong foundation (but not overdone) and being there for your children as much as you can. Quality time is better than quantity time.

I've never spanked my children but they knew by my "look" I meant business. I figure most adults have intelligence. Figure it out. Do you control the household or do your children?

Great article! I've never understood why spanking is inherently bad? (caveat: I am only talking about when a parent is in control of their emotions, and not taking their anger out on a child). I believe it teaches children there are boundaries in life, and that certain actions carry serious consequences. "Disrespectful" the child?! I see too often children who are disrespectful to their parents and other adults. They lack discipline and empathy for the people around them. But god-forbid we put that attitude problem into check. I believe the anti-spanking movement is baseless.

Thanks, I loved this article!