My girlfriend and I recently got engaged, and all my guy friends—especially the married ones with kids—are talking about throwing me a bachelor party in Vegas. This is my second marriage, and I feel like it’s inappropriate to throw a (second) big bachelor party. What do you think?

He Said: Since you've been married before, you probably had that epiphany at some point early in the wedding ceremony where you realized that this event was not about you. At all. Weddings are primarily for the bride, her family and friends; you are merely the armpiece in a rented tux for the day. Ever hear of the term groomzilla? Of course not, because men’s desires or even opinions, for the most part, don't much matter in this realm. Face it brother, till the time you leave the reception, your future mother-in-law has more say about the wedding than you do.

To some extent, this goes for the pre-wedding events as well. Your friends need to mark this change in your status by honoring and celebrating you, and you owe it to them to let them do that. However, unlike the wedding ceremony, you do exercise some control over the bachelor party and have the right to demand more decorum the second time around. If you don't want a Vegas weekend, let the guys know what you do want: beers and pool, a low-key visit to the Gold Club, a Giants game? As you probably also remember from being married, soon enough you'll be a husband spending his weekends on his Honey-Do list, and you'll thrill to learn one of your pals has formulated an excuse to party for a weekend, or even a night.

She Said:
Wow. As a woman, I can certainly see why you've been scooped up not once, but twice. Given the option of gambling, drinking and receiving lap dances that "stay in Vegas," what man considers the notion of appropriateness? Apparently you do, and good for you. Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a second big bachelor party, as long as it's your friends demanding it and not you. (Second-time brides, on the other hand, who insist on recruiting six bridesmaids, force them to buy $700 dresses and make sure to register at Gump's really get my goat.) My only advice is to ask yourself how you really want to mark this, and structure the night or weekend that way. It sounds to me like you're worried about what your fiancée thinks, so you might want to check with her beforehand. Think of it as great practice for being married.

photo: Lomo-Cam on flickr.com

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