Johnny Depp is Bad to the Misanthropic Bone in Ed Wood

Greetings and salutations * film nerds and nerdettes … If you’re not into beer bonging gallons of grog this weekend with the stoned rock star cast of Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At Wit’s End, Captain Hook suggests you check out some of the more sublime indie works of Sir Johnny “Bad To The Misanthropic Bone” Depp on DVD then call my agent next Tuesday and ask him why I’m playing a talking tomato in the Catskills for the next two weeks…
 
 
  courtesy of Touchstone Pictures

Ed Wood
If you think roaming the open seas with the ghostly pirates from Black Pearl is weird, how’d you like to stowaway on the U.S.S. Tim Burton with a traveling freak show like the cast of Ed Wood? If you’re not familiar with the real Wood, he was the cross-dressing director of arguably the worst horror movie ever made: Plan 9 From Outer Space. Get with it hepcats, rent this biopic-carnival of a filmic gem then check out the original Plan 9. I promise when you do, you’ll want to kiss me on the Port and Starboard side of my finely chiseled countenance.

 
 courtesy of Touchstone Pictures

The Danny Elfman score is a spooky groove, Depp absolutely nails the role of Ed Wood and spooky appearances from a sexy Vampira, a brooding Orson Welles and a Queen Bee Bill Murray who, in a just world, would have won an Oscar for his flamboyant performance, are icing on the retro gothic cake. And, if you’re under house arrest, in a full body cast or trapped under something heavy all weekend and need some serious down time, look out for these groovy pirate flicks to click. Until next week, this is Captain Hook signing off. Be bad and get into trouble, baby.*

Depp Flicks to Click
•    Edward Scissorhands (1990) Dir. Burton
•    Dead Man (1995) Dir. Jarmusch
•    The Ninth Gate (1999) Dir. Polanski

Groovy Pirate Movies
•    Captain Blood (1935) Dir. Curtiz - Master hedonist and derring-do’er Errol Flynn carves a swath in his dashing debut, even with a Dutch Boy Haircut. Captain Blood inspired Chunk and Sloth to crush the Fratelli Gang in The Goonies. Jerk alert!
•    The Goonies (1985) Dir. Donner – Best 80s treasure hunt movie ever. Mikey, Chunk, Mouth and Data spend the last night on the Goon Docks hunting down local legend One Eyed Willie’s Lost Booty. God I love the taste of that Truffle Shuffle…
•    The Princess Bride (1987) Dir. Reiner - Cary Elwes, doing his best Douglas Fairbanks impression is as cool as the other side of the pillow as Dread Pirate Roberts. Andre the Giant and Wallace Shawn are inconceivably good.

“Hip Happenings” Round Town
•    Friday (5/25) to Sunday (5/27) - Clue(1985) Dir. Lynn – Clay Theater (Midnight Shows)

•    Midnight Maniacs Triple Feature – Castro Theater
•    Friday (5/25) Gremlins (1984) Dir. Dante
•    Friday (5/25) Howard the Duck (1986) Dir. Huyck
•    Friday (5/25) Troll 2 (1990) Dir. Fragasso

Volume 12 Footnotes
•    “Greetings and salutations.” – Heathers (1991): Christian Slater (channeling Jack Nicholson) to Winona Ryder.
•    “Let’s get into trouble baby.” – Tapeheads (1988): Soul Train host Don Cornelius (as Hollywood Producer Mo Fuzz) to upstart filmmakers Tim Robbins and John Cusack.