I'm a bisexual dude who loves sex and has no trouble finding partners. But here's my “only in SF” problem. I love three-ways with another guy and a girl. To me, it’s the hottest combination possible. The challenge is that it's very hard to find a straight guy who can deal with me as bisexual. And it's hard to find a gay guy who can stomach vagina. The only easy part is finding chicks who are down with two bisexual guys. I'm beginning to think I'm the only truly bisexual person in the city (yes, I lean gay, but girls are irresistible!). What do you recommend? Craigslist just elicits emails from drugged-out freaks, and everything else seems safely segregated along gay–not gay lines.

He Said: I think you answered your own question when you acknowledged "leaning" gay. There certainly are plenty of bisexuals around (not the kind that are "transitioning" to gay), but the narrower your interests, the narrower the group of people who are into exactly what you are. Likewise, the more time you'll have to spend finding exactly what you want. I would not give up on Craigslist, where you'll need to have the patience to sort the freaks from the fruit, so to speak. It never hurts to team up with your "chick" to conduct your search, so you are ready (and in agreement) the minute a good candidate emerges. One final note: For people like you, for whom sex is plentiful, there can be an unconscious tendency to narrow your fantasies to the most exotic since they are the only ones not readily available and therefore the most alluring. Consider simply going about your sex life, enjoying each encounter for what it is, and you might be surprised what opportunities come along spontaneously.

She Said: It sounds like all you really need is another bisexual, or bi-curious man, and if you can’t find one in San Francisco, where on earth can you find one? I’ve stumbled upon two or three by accident, for goodness sake. Seriously though, you say most sites are segregated into gay/straight, but have you tried searching for bisexual partners on OKCupid or PlentyofFish? There even seem to be a host of specifically bisexual sites—BiCupid, for instance. I can’t vouch for them but it might be worth some research on your part.

That said, I agree that the MMF threesome you’re looking for might best come about organically, after a couple of drinks with a cute girl at a gay bar, for instance, where at least a few of the guys must score less than a 6 on the Kinsey Scale. Alternately, you can keep your eyes open for (mostly) straight couples who are looking to experiment. One of my gay friends insists that a good number of straight men can be “six-packed”—that is, a few drinks are enough to lower the inhibitions on their natural curiosity. I think your best chances are to hook up with lovers one-on-one, and once you get to know them, ask if they might have a friend who’s curious.

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