Hey, salted-caramel zombies lining up around the block! I find your taste in ice cream to be, at best, pedestrian. Yeah, I said it. And I believe it. I believe it deep down in my superior heart. But fear not, kids, as I'm here to help you and your plebian taste in frozen dairy treats. Here are 5 ice cream dishes I'd like to see return to the forefront of taste—good or otherwise. 

1. Baked Alaska

Created at Delmonico's Restaurant in 1876 to celebrate the America's 49th state, Baked Alaska (not to be confused with baked salmon; a common, albeit bizarre, assumption) features ice cream covered in cake topped with meringue. The dish is then baked in a very hot oven to chewy, golden brown perfection. WHY AM I NOT EATING IT RIGHT NOW? Years ago, Salt House used to offer an excellent version, but, much to my horror, took it off the menu. Alas. Fortunately, Berkeley's Ici Ice Cream now makes one of the best Baked Alaskas in the Bay Area. 

2. Banana Split

Why a sundae, laid horizontal and placed between a spilt banana, proved such a hit is anyone's guess. Maybe people really like potassium with their ice cream? Who knows. But the Banana Split is iconic in the dessert lexicon. In fact, Wilmington, Ohio has an annual Banana Split Festival to commemorate the dish. Go figure.

3. Chocolate Malt

Want to know a secret? The chocolate malt (made using vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup, thank you) is the best dessert in the world, ever. Milkshakes are for chumps. Get a malt instead. 

4. Cherries Jubilee

Whatever happened to tableside preparations? I miss that fancy touch. (I miss you most of all, Steak Diane!) Created in honor of Queen Victoria's Jubilee celebration, this flaming hold-cold dish consists of cherries and liqueur (typically Kirschwasser), which is then flambéed, and served as a sauce over vanilla ice cream. For some, Cherries Jubilee remains the height of dessert sophistication. For others, it's tacky as all hell. I say it's both. 

5. Ice Cream Sandwich

Slowly making a comeback with the artisan sect, it's still not being done right. Allow me: the ice cream sandwich should be horizontal (not square) and made Neapolitan style (strawberry, chocolate, vanilla). Anything less is unacceptable.

Know a spot that serves these classic treats in the Bay Area? Let us know in the comments, and we'll be on the first bus over.