It’s not quite Goatchella, but this week is the unofficial start of Fauxchella or whatever silly Coachella pun with which you’d like to embarrass yourself (note: I am the king of this game). Which means there are too many shows happening and you’re about to go broke…

Let’s race through it.

Tuesday: Fleetwood Mac at Oracle Arena

Rock gods and goddesses must be worshipped, especially when they go out of their way to appease the masses. Christine McVie hasn’t been part of the band for 16 years, but she began touring with it again in September. Pay your respects, people.

Tuesday: Jessie Ware at Zellerbach Hall

UK femme fatale Jessie Ware has quickly captured the imagination of a wide-spanning fan base with a magical voice. Her 2014 album Tough Love was one of the year’s most eloquent, intoxicating pop albums.

Wednesday/Thursday: Florence and the Machine at The Masonic

This may be the best test yet of the newly renovated Masonic’s acoustics. Florence and the Machine regularly saturate spaces with sonic booms. Beware loud noises.

Friday: Icona Pop at Ruby Skye

I don’t care; I love shameless electro pop.

Friday: Stone Temple Pilots at The Fillmore

This incarnation of STP does not — I repeat, DOES NOT — include Scott Weiland, who’s doing his own thing these days. Takes some cajones for bands to soldier on without leading members, but this one will really require a wilful suspension of disbelief.

Saturday: Alabama Shakes, Neko Case at Greek Theatre

Yes, they’re actually from Alabama, and they will certainly make you shake. Come early for legendary Americana singer-songwriter Neko Case, whose voice is every bit as wondrous as Alabama Shakes singer Brittany Howard. This will be a competition.

Saturday/Sunday: Terence Blanchard at SFJAZZ Center Miner Auditorium

Blanchard is as much a champion for jazz music as he is social justice. He’s particularly optimistic about the future of jazz, but as for everything else...not so much. He recently told LA Magazine “the world is getting to be a better place for jazz. You have young kids coming to this music who are serious about playing. In terms of being a better place in general, I’m kind of up in the air about that. What has to happen is you have to get rid of the poison to get rid of the infection in your system."

Sunday: Cloud Nothings at The Independent

Let’s mosh.

Sunday: Belle and Sebastian at Greek Theatre

Legendary singer-songwriter Stuart Murdoch and co. have a new album out. Girls in Peacetime Just Want to Dance is easily one of the year’s best, and quite possibly the best work to date from this essential pop band.

Follow @ChrisTrenchard for more words like these.