My wife recently asked me if I wanted to have a ménage à trois with her and a girlfriend of hers.  The girlfriend is smoking hot which makes it tempting but the flip side is that this women’s boyfriend wants the same situation with his girlfriend and my wife. My wife and I have been monogamous up till now and she says she’s willing to try this arrangement if I am.

He Said: Everyman's Dream, may I introduce you to Everyman's Nightmare. Wow and ouch. You haven't said how you feel about another man having sex with your wife, so maybe you are still trying the idea on for size to see how it fits. Here are some ideas to mull over while you measure yourself for a suit of amour.

The biggest problem to openly having sex with someone who isn’t your spouse is the post coital appraisal: If the sex was good, you want to have it again. In fact, even if it wasn’t good, a lot of us men will take up the challenge to make it better in round two. Which means, no matter how you spin it, having sex with someone who isn’t your spouse takes energy out of your marriage. Not only will you likely want more than one taste, but one or more of the other three parties involved will likely want repeat performances as well.

All decisions involve risk versus reward. The risk is that your marriage will suffer from side action and the reward is the possibility for an epic sex episode. My opinion, since your wife brought you this proposal she already wants to do it. Which means you either need to take her far away from this environment and do something so intensely romantic and sexual that she forgets this three way, or you agree to the arrangement, let another man do your wife and go from there. If I had a partner who brought this option to me, I would be booking time at a resort.

She Said: As a woman, I'm going to tell you a secret: Your wife wants to do this. Both with the GF and with the BF. Otherwise she would never have brought it up. (It's not easy for any spouse to broach the topic of non-monogamy, no matter what the context.) A wife doesn't offer her smoking-hot girlfriend up to her husband unless she is wanting to shake things up in bed, and in the marriage. It sounds like you love your wife, and you want to keep her. I'm sure she wants to keep you too; otherwise she'd be out cheating instead of asking you to partake in her desires.

Your wife is speaking to you in the secret language of the feminine. You know the feminine. It's the energy that brings warmth, love and pleasure to our lives (as opposed to masculine structure, focus and direction—that's your job). The feminine is known for its desire to take big, fat bites out of life. That's why women are always ooohing and ahhhing over puppies and infants and Manolo Blahniks and over-the-top Sex and the City sequels. Your wife is asking you to take her on a thrilling, swooning ride. She's even offering up her own envy and possibly a friendship as a cost to go on this ride with you. She's saying, "Take me somewhere. Make me feel something. Grab a hold of me."

What are you going to do? Here's what I'd do. I'd say, "Honey, if you really want to do this, I will. But before we do, I want to spend the next month trying out some new things together." What new things, you might ask? Sexual positions. Fantasies. Dirty talk. And ... looking her deeply in the eyes, grabbing her with a firm grip, taking charge. Have you really shown your wife everything you're made of, both in and out of bed? Aren't there some things you want to do or say that you've never tried before? It's time to bring them out. Your job is to make her forget the word threesome .... or if the threesome happens, your job is to make her remember it forever.

Either way, what's imperative is that you take the reigns. You don't want to set up a precedent where your wife is coming and asking you for more passion or adventure, and you're dragging along behind her. That makes her the initiator. Being the initiator is the opposite of being swept off your feet, it's the opposite of surrendering into the feminine. So whether you do this threesome or replace it with something one-on-one, remember that what your wife is really doing here is offering up her passion to you. Direct it.

Confused? Heartbroken? Curious? Send your questions to Twosense@7x7.com and we might just answer them here. Have thoughts about this post? We want to hear 'em! Comment below.